I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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