Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
