you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
