if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
