i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
