If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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