I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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