I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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