once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
