Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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