There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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