btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
