You made me cry and you don't even care
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
