ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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