Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
