just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
