Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
