Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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