why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
