My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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