So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
