Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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