I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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