I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
