i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
