After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
