my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
