I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
