Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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