if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
