Got a toothbrush?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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