I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
