He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
