but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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