i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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