JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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