Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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