Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
