it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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