"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize