I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
