Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Randomize
