No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
