I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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