how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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