Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
