there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
