just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
