ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
