I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
