there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have aggressive nipples.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
