wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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