You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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