Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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