apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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