she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
