thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
