none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
