that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
