I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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