I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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