Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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