his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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