So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
