I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
