She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize