They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
