Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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