she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
