wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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