Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
