i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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