remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
