So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize