your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
